Monday, November 22, 2010

Unfriending My Abuser

I've found that there are certain patterns that are true in all forms of abuse so, although the main topic of this post is sexual abuse, I think it would also be helpful for those who have been victimized by spiritual abuse.  Go here to read this post.


Manuela said...

Hi Aida,
Thanks you for sharing this.
I took a stand this Christmas and decided not to see my father (&his wife and their two children). Here is part of the story why:
and I didn't even mention there how my dad sexualized my relationship with him too. It's all VERY sick, confusing and convoluted.
Anyway, taking this stand was very hard to do on many levels, mainly because I feel like I have no parents... I resent my stepmother because she controls my dad and tries to prevent reconciliation, as she blames me. She has verbally and physically assaulted me also.
I have not talked to my "father" or responded to him in over three years. He came here to Tucson to see my brother's new son... and they all got together for Christmas.... They've used their children to try to get to me- having them write me guilt-inducing letters, etc. It doesn't look good for them at all that I don't want to have anything to do with them. I've confronted my father several times, but he doesn't want to admit anything. If anything he blames me, yet wants to be around me...
This is all very painful to me. I wish it wasn't.... The abuse in my life has left me vulnerable to more abuse- spiritual ( as you know, emotional, etc. It has caused some damage and much confusion and sometimes I feel so "less than" and contemptuous of myself.. Although I don't "think" those things are true they often "feel" true so it's a battle- feelings can be so strong. I often seem to trust the wrong people if I can trust at all. The shame can sometimes swallow me up. This is not always the case, but I do struggle. I wish for more healing. I know there's been some. My relationship with my husband is much better.
Lately though, i've been wounded and depressed. I'm angry at my brother that he hasn't taken more of a stand for me. I also feel responsible to him, since we have no mother.... I don't want him to turn out to be a coward like my father.

Anyway I saw the same Oprah episode mentioned in the post and it really helped me- it's an encouraging reminder to hear about it again... and also the feedback she got from readers was very helpful- I need to keep dealing with this stuff and trust God will bring more healing.
I'm going to buy the book "Silently Seduced" which the author recommended... I think it will help me sort out the covert sexual abuse of my father. This has always been very confusing to me... Hopefully the book will help me gain some more understanding...
If you don't mind, e-mail me your response..

Manuela said...

Here's the correct link to "my story" on my blog. I don't think the one above was right

Aida said...

Thanks for you comment, Manuela. I'll send you an email.